Friday Funny- Home Alone

I’m going to build on the theme of a News of the Weird article from last week.  The intruder in the Portland home that started taking a shower when the owner of the house trapped him in the bathroom with snarling dogs and a gun.

Of course The Oatmeal out of his Minor Differences 3 tells it how it is.

Now for some scaaaaaarrryyy stories. ~Muahahahaha~

From the Washington Post regarding an intruder in a woman’s dorm at Georgetown.

The Georgetown student body is being warned of intruders in the dorms touching female students while they are sleeping.

One incident occurred on April 9 at 3:30 a.m.  A female student told campus police that she was awakened by a hand shaking her shoulder.  The student rolled over to see an unknown male running out of her room.  The student’s roommate, who was downstairs, said that she saw a suspect run out the front door.  The roommates checked their room for theft, but found nothing missing.

That same evening, an hour later, another female student reported an intruder in her residence hall.  The student said that she woke up at 4:30 a.m. to find a man laying next to her in bed.  The woman screamed, and the man jumped out of the bed and ran out of the room.  No valuables were taken in that incident, either.

From MSNBC on the Today show it featured Carolos.

Police in California say a 7-year-old boy is a hero for calmly dialing 911 while his home was being invaded by gunmen. NBC’s George Lewis reports that it was the boy’s younger sister screaming during the emergency call, not him.

The guy living in someone’s attic.  Are you sure that bump you heard was just the cat?

WILKES-BARRE, Pa. — A family did not realize they had an unexpected Christmas guest until a man who had been in their attic for days emerged wearing their clothes, police said.

Stanley Carter surrendered Friday after police took a dog to search the home in Plains Township, a suburb of Wilkes-Barre about 100 miles north of Philadelphia. He was charged with several counts of burglary, theft, receiving stolen property and criminal trespass.

“When he came down from the attic, he was wearing my daughter’s pants and my sweat shirt and sneakers,” homeowner Stacy Ferrance said. “From what I gather, he was helping himself to my home, eating my food and stealing my clothes.”

Ferrance said she had heard noises but thought they were caused by her three children. She notified police on Christmas Day when cash, a laptop computer and an iPod disappeared, then called police again the next day when she found footprints in her bedroom closet, where the attic trap door is located.

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So, those were true stories, now for some stories that may or may not be true.

A girl shares her tale of being home alone.

I was home alone one night, because my mom and sister had gone away on a trip. I stayed home with my dog and went to bed early. I turned off all lights and went to watch tv and totally forgot about my dog, though she always follows me everywhere. All of a sudden, I heard the noise of a chair that was being dragged, (the chairs in my home are very heavy), so I got up quickly and saw my dog sleeping by the side of my bed! Of course, I thought it was a thief and got a heavy object to defend myself, but after me and my dog checked the entire house, even the closets, there was no one!

And now a treat fromUrban Legends

  • The Hook…

A TEENAGE boy drove his date to a dark and deserted Lovers’ Lane for a make-out session. After turning on the radio for mood music, he leaned over and began kissing the girl.

A short while later, the music suddenly stopped and an announcer’s voice came on, warning in an urgent tone that a convicted murderer had just escaped from the state insane asylum — which happened to be located not far from Lovers’ Lane — and that anyone who noticed a strange man lurking about with a hook in place of his right hand should immediately report his whereabouts to the police.

The girl became frightened and asked to be taken home. The boy, feeling bold, locked all the doors instead and, assuring his date they would be safe, attempted to kiss her again. She became frantic and pushed him away, insisting that they leave. Relenting, the boy peevishly jerked the car into gear and spun its wheels as he pulled out of the parking space.

When they arrived at the girl’s house she got out of the car, and, reaching to close the door, began to scream uncontrollably. The boy ran to her side to see what was wrong and there, dangling from the door handle, was a bloody hook!

  • Check the Back Seat…

ONE NIGHT a woman went out for drinks with her girlfriends. She left the bar fairly late at night, got in her car and onto the deserted highway. She noticed a lone pair of headlights in her rear-view mirror, approaching at a pace just slightly quicker than hers. As the car pulled up behind her she glanced and saw the turn signal on — the car was going to pass — when suddenly it swerved back behind her, pulled up dangerously close to her tailgate and the brights flashed.

Now she was getting nervous. The lights dimmed for a moment and then the brights came back on and the car behind her surged forward. The frightened woman struggled to keep her eyes on the road and fought the urge to look at the car behind her. Finally, her exit approached but the car continued to follow, flashing the brights periodically.

Through every stoplight and turn, it followed her until she pulled into her driveway. She figured her only hope was to make a mad dash into the house and call the police. As she flew from the car, so did the driver of the car behind her — and he screamed, “Lock the door and call the police! Call 911!”

When the police arrived the horrible truth was finally revealed to the woman. The man in the car had been trying to save her. As he pulled up behind her and his headlights illuminated her car, he saw the silhouette of a man with a butcher knife rising up from the back seat to stab her, so he flashed his brights and the figure crouched back down.

  • Aren’t you glad you didn’t turn on the light?…

TWO DORMMATES in college were in the same science class. The teacher had just reminded them about the midterm the next day when one dormmate — let’s call her Julie — got asked to this big bash by the hottest guy in school. The other dormmate, Meg, had pretty much no interest in going and, being a diligent student, she took notes on what the midterm was about. After the entire period of flirting with her date, Julie was totally unprepared for her test, while Meg was completely prepared for a major study date with her books.

At the end of the day, Julie spent hours getting ready for the party while Meg started studying. Julie tried to get Meg to go, but she was insistent that she would study and pass the test. The girls were rather close and Julie didn’t like leaving Meg alone to be bored while she was out having a blast. Julie finally gave up, using the excuse that she would cram in homeroom the next day.

Julie went to the party and had the time of her life with her date. She headed back to the dorm around 2 a.m. and decided not to wake Meg. She went to bed nervous about the midterm and decided she would wake up early to ask Meg for help.

She woke up and went to wake Meg. Meg was lying on her stomach, apparently sound asleep. Julie rolled Meg over to reveal Meg’s terrified face. Julie, concerned, turned on the desk lamp. Meg’s study stuff was still open and had blood all over it. Meg had been slaughtered. Julie, in horror, fell to the floor and looked up to see, written on the wall in Meg’s blood: “Aren’t you glad you didn’t turn on the light?

  • Not clowning around…

A girl in her teens, is babysitting for a family in Newport Beach, Ca. The family is wealthy and has a very large house — you know the sort, with a ridiculous amount of rooms. Anyways, the parents are going out for a late dinner/movie. The father tells the babysitter that once the children are in bed she should go into this specific room (he doesn’t really want her wandering around the house) and watch TV there.

The parents take off and soon she gets the kids into bed and goes to the room to watch TV. She tries watching TV, but she is disturbed by a clown statue in the corner of the room. She tries to ignore it for as long as possible, but it starts freaking her out so much that she can’t handle it.

She resorts to calling the father and asks, “Hey, the kids are in bed, but is it okay if I switch rooms? This clown statue is really creeping me out.”

The father says seriously, “Get the kids, go next door and call 911.”

She asks, “What’s going on?”

He responds, “Just go next door and once you call the police, call me back.”

She gets the kids, goes next door, and calls the police. When the police are on the way, she calls the father back and asks, “So, really, what’s going on?”

He responds, “We don’t HAVE a clown statue.” He then further explains that the children have been complaining about a clown watching them as they sleep. He and his wife had just blown it off, assuming that they were having nightmares.

The police arrive and apprehend the “clown,” who turns out to be a midget. A midget clown! I guess he was some homeless person dressed as a clown, who somehow got into the house and had been living there for several weeks. He would come into the kids’ rooms at nights and watch them while they slept. As the house was so large, he was able to avoid detection, surviving off their food, etc. He had been in the TV room right before the babysitter came in there. When she entered he didn’t have enough time to hide, so he just froze in place and pretended to be a statue.

  • Choking Doberman…

MY COUSIN and his wife lived in Sydney with this huge doberman in a little apartment off Maroubra Road. One night they went out for dinner and a spot of clubbing. By the time they got home it was late and my cousin was more than a little drunk. They got in the door and were greeted by the dog choking to death in the loungeroom.

My cousin just fainted, but his wife rang the veterinarian, who was an old family friend of hers, and got her to agree to meet her at the surgery. The wife drives over and drops off the dog, but decides that she’d better go home and get her hubby into bed.

She gets home and finally slaps my cousin into consciousness, but he’s still drunk. It takes her almost half an hour to get him up the stairs, and then the phone rings. She’s tempted to just leave it, but she decides that it must be important or they wouldn’t be ringing that late at night. As soon as she picks up the phone, she hears the vet’s voice screaming out:

“Thank God I got you in time! Leave the house! Now! No time to explain!” Then the vet hangs up.

Because she’s such an old family friend, the wife trusts her, and so she starts getting the hubby down the stairs and out of the house. By the time they’ve made it all the way out, the police are outside. They rush up the front stairs past the couple and into the house, but my cousin’s wife still doesn’t have a clue what’s going on.

The vet shows up and says, “Have they got him? Have they got him?”

“Have they got who?” says the wife, starting to get really pissed off.

“Well, I found out what the dog was choking on – it was a human finger.”

Just then the police drag out a dirty, stubbly man who is bleeding profusely from one hand. “Hey Sarge,” one of them yells. “We found him in the bedroom.”

  • Something worse then bed bugs…

A NEWLYWED husband and wife went to Las Vegas for their honeymoon, and checked into a suite at a hotel. When they got to their room they both detected a bad odor. The husband called down to the front desk and asked to speak to the manager. He explained that the room smelled very bad and they would like another suite. The manager apologized and told the man that they were all booked because of a convention. He offered to send them to a restaurant of their choice for lunch compliments of the hotel and said he was going to send a maid up to their room to clean and to try and get rid of the odor.

After a nice lunch the couple went back to their room. When they walked in they could both still smell the same odor. Again the husband called the front desk and told the manager that the room still smelled really bad. The manager told the man that they would try and find a suite at another hotel. He called every hotel on the strip, but every hotel was sold out because of the convention. The manager told the couple that they couldn’t find them a room anywhere, but they would try and clean the room again. The couple wanted to see the sights and do a little gambling anyway, so they said they would give them two hours to clean and then they would be back.

When the couple had left, the manager and all of housekeeping went to the room to try and find what was making the room smell so bad. They searched the entire room and found nothing, so the maids changed the sheets, changed the towels, took down the curtains and put new ones up, cleaned the carpet and cleaned the suite again using the strongest cleaning products they had. The couple came back two hours later to find the room still had a bad odor. The husband was so angry at this point, he decided to find whatever this smell was himself. So he started tearing the entire suite apart himself.

As he pulled the top mattress off the box spring he found a dead body of a woman.

  • The hitchhiker…

ONE SUMMER day in Southampton, New York, a woman pulled into a gas station. As the attendant pumped gas, the woman told him she was in a hurry to pick up her daughter, who had just finished an art class in East Hampton.

A very-well-dressed man walked over to her car and started talking to her. He explained that his rental car had died, and he needed a ride to East Hampton for an appointment. She said she would be happy to give him a ride. He put his briefcase in the backseat and said he was going to the men’s room quickly.

The woman looked at her watch and suddenly panicked. She drove off quickly, having forgotten that the man was coming back to the car for a ride.

She thought nothing of him again until she and her daughter pulled into their driveway. She saw his briefcase and realized she had forgotten him! She opened the briefcase looking for some form of identification so she could notify him about his belongings. Inside she found nothing but a knife and a roll of duct tape!

  • The widow waits by the window…

This is a video <—- click to go to the site to read the story and watch the vid, it’s incredible!

She’s waiting for you to see her

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Well, I hope you all enjoyed your romp through scary land.  Remember to lock your doors and check your closets!
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3 responses to “Friday Funny- Home Alone

  1. Oh, thanks a lot – my hubbo is out of town and I’m stuck with dopey dog and cat……and its windy…..wait – what was that noise?

    • I had a good time with this article. Also, debatable if I should admit this, but when the husband is not home I sleep with a loaded gun under the pillow next to me. I also check all the rooms and closets with the lights fully ablaze before turning them off and tucking myself and my Walther P99 to nighty-night.

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