Friday Funny- From AssHat to Jackwagon

Happy Friday!  Hope you all had a great 3-day Memorial weekend.  This week John B. retired and he will be greatly missed.  Risa T. is still on maternity leave and baby Abby is doing awesome and is nearly too cute for words, but she will be rejoining us at work soon.

I found this pic at ROFLRazzi (related to LOL cats) website, and I thought it would be a good and fun time for you to take a stab at guessing whose hand is whose: NAME that HAND!

I’ll post the answers at the bottom of the article.

Also, this week I introduced someone to my favorite personally created term, ‘AssHat.’  For me ‘AssHat’ came into existance when I was playing either Bolderdash or Taboo with some friends.  I think the word that was the correct answer was “Top Hat” but the ‘clues’ I was being given resulted in me becoming frustrated and shouting out “ASSHAT!!” with true sincerity as if that would ever be the answer to a family board game for ages 8-80.  Now, I will admit I have heard the term used from time to time by peoples who would not be privy to my own creative realm of vocabulary, so I decided to check out Urban Dictionary to see what I get.

Urban Dictionary has the following listing:

A person, of either gender, whose behavior displays such ignorance/obnoxiousness that you would like to make them wear their own ass as a hat.

Also; A close cousin of the Ass-clown, typically identified by a jovial expression and an outward misunderstanding of how he/she is perceived, combined with a generally misguided conception of what is sociably acceptable amongst his/her fellow peers.

Urban Dictionary doesn’t bother with such things as nouns or adjectives or verbs, probably because most of the contributors don’t know themselves, but the term ‘AssHat’ can be used typically as an informal noun.

Since I don’t recall learning the term from someone/somewhere specifically, I’m going to pull an Al Gore and just claim I invented this awesome word.

On a similar note, I really love the not-so-new word, “Jackwagon” introduced in the Geico commercials about Can switching to Geico really save you 15% on your auto insurance?  Would a former Drill-Sergeant make a terrible therapist?”  It is a safe assumption if someone irritates me they can be quickly classified as a “Jackwagon” or “AssHat” in my book, and I encourage you to do the same. 🙂

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No News of the Weird this week from Chuck Shepherd as his site was taking me to 2010 even though I was clicking on ‘current column.’ Too bad, I am out of my up-to-date trivia.

I did find a neat article about a home in Idaho, I found on Yahoo News click that link for the full story:

Two families have fled the house in scenes reminiscent of horror-film classics. One turned to a local TV station in 2006 to document the infestation, complaining of not being able to sleep at night. The video is still available on YouTube and is doing absolutely nothing for sales.

The next family appeared on TV’s “Animal Planet” earlier this year. They said they were told the previous owners came up with the snake story to explain why they stopped paying their mortgage. But, it turns out, the story was true.

The house, built in 1920 and remodeled about five years ago, has somehow become a hibernaculum, where snakes gather en masse for winter. It’s so famously infested that Chase has taken it off the market.

Earlier this year, the five-bedroom home at 675 W. 5000 North was listed for $109,200. That’s about $66,000 below its market value. But somehow there were no takers, even in a region known for its Snake River.

Chase is now in the unenviable position of having to be delicate with snakes that continue to live in the home despite a defaulted mortgage. Once a house has been featured on “Animal Planet,” you can’t just burn it down or otherwise slaughter its reptilian residents. You have to be nice to snakes. It’s just good business.

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The rest of the list here is a spliced together tid-bits I read over on Cracked.com for your trivial enjoyment.

1) From “The 7 Craziest Things Ever Done to Get Laid” comes # 2 Kenyan Peace negotiated to lift ‘Sex Strike.’

Kenyan president Mwai Kibaki and prime minister Raila Odinga had formed a  coalition government in 2007, and neither man was all that happy about it. The  president and the prime minister agreed to govern together to stop the violence  and death that their factions had caused, but the effort was moot since all they  did was argue and bicker. The two men were seemingly doing everything in their  power to fuck up their country beyond repair.

After two years of this bullshit, Kenyan women decided they’d had enough and  took matters into their own hands by withholding sex until everything was sorted  out.

In 2009, women’s activist groups in Kenya called for a week-long sex strike  to force the president and the PM to meet and make peace. So, what? Big freaking  deal. A week is nothing! That’s half as long as Jedi Fantasy Camp, and there’s  certainly no sex going on there. Well, there must be some powerful aphrodisiac  in the Kenyan water supply, because one BBC correspondent argued that men over  there wouldn’t last two days without sex.

No kidding. One man went so crazy without sex that he sued the women’s groups for pain and suffering. The activist  leaders thought of everything, too, even paying prostitutes to withhold their services so that men  couldn’t get illicit nookie.

Things went from bad to worse for one of the two men in charge when prime  minister Odinga’s wife, Ida, publicly endorsed the strike, and was even rumored to have joined it.

Eventually, the president and the (presumably sexless) PM had had enough. The  women rejoiced when the men in charge agreed to meet with them and said they would also hold talks to  discuss their country’s safety and future. After all the fighting and the  killing and the pointless bickering, it was good old blue balls that brought  these two longtime foes together.

The boycott was deemed such a success that to this day, the Kenyan women  remember it fondly, one of them boasting that, thanks to their strike, a deal was  done within a month. Peace and compromise was attained, at least for a while.

2) From their article on “7 Insane Easter Eggs Hidden in Movies and TV Shows” we get a real golden nugget of information about the movie poster for Silence of the Lambs.  Also, if you are a big fan of The Simpsons or Futurerama there is delightful trivia for those two shows on that list too. If you are a fan of movie sound tracks you’ll not want to miss what they have to say about Inception either.

The ‘skull’ on the Deaths Head Moth is actually a drawing replicating a photo of Salvador Dali and 7 naked women.

3) From “9 Absurd movie Premises That Actually Happened” we get #7 You Don’t Mess with the Zohan.  Turns out…

Widely considered to have the second-most-ridiculous premise for an Adam Sandler  movie (after the one where the 30-year-old man has to go back to elementary  school for some reason), You Don’t Mess With the Zohan stars Sandler as  an elite Israeli commando. And while it does feature Zohan uppercutting  people with his feet and kicking though brick walls, that doesn’t seem like  all that much of an exaggeration based on what we know of Israeli special  forces.

No, the stupid part is that Zohan decides to give up his life of ass-kicking and  travel to America to become … wait for it … a hairdresser! Boing!  Yes, it’s just that extra layer of wackiness that Sandler movies need to add in  order to keep outdoing the last Rob Schneider effort. You win this round,  Sandler!

It’s totally based on a true story.

The real guy’s name is Nezi  Arbib, and he now owns and runs his own salon in San Diego and another in  Los Angeles, with a little help from his brothers. All of them happen to be  ex-Israeli soldiers.

Seriously, Adam Sandler treated this like a goddamn biopic — spending two  weeks working with Nezi and his brothers, learning to cut hair and emulate their  speech patterns and mannerisms. Reporters even interviewed some of Arbib’s  clients, who said You Don’t Mess With the Zohan was “not that far  off.”

If that sounds a little mild, you should keep in mind that this was said  about a movie where the character is portrayed as being the Wilt Chamberlain of  hairdressers, satisfying his lady customers in ever sense of the word.

YIKES- moving right along…

4) I have to end this list on one from Cracked.com that had me in tears I was laughing so hard.  Was I drunk?  No.  Will you find this as funny as I?  There’s a good chance you’ll be thinking I’m an AssHat or Jackwagon, but I don’t mind, this just put me in stitches.  From “15 Grossly Misleading Movie Posters” we have several outstanding contestants, the Indiana Jones and Romancing the Stone at #11 were good, Cujo was also right up there with #13, but the favorite for me by far on the list was #2 for Mad Max: Road Warrior designed for the Ghana, Africa marketing campaign.  Here it is in all its glory:

“Quick we need a poster for a movie called Road Warrior!”

“Well, I have this half finished Rambo drawing…”

“Ha ha, shit! That is terrible, what do you have, spinal meningitis?”

“Shut up! I had a hard time to start with: Somebody had already drawn a sassy Latino woman on my canvas. Frankly I’m astounded I got it as close to Rambo as I did.”

“Well, hell, might as well go whole hog. Throw in Hugo Weaving having a stroke in a thunderstorm and let’s just hope the confusion attracts the stoner crowd.”

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OK, don’t worry, I didn’t forget about you folks who tried to guess all the answers to ‘Name that Hand’ at the top of the show, here are your answers.

Have a SAFE and HAPPY Weekend!!

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4 responses to “Friday Funny- From AssHat to Jackwagon

  1. That poster is terrible! I think “jackwagon” is the funniest ever-I laugh so hard at that commercial!!

    • LOL! I’m so glad. I do too, “Why don’t we go down to mamby-pamby land and get you some self-confidence? Y’ah Jack Wagon!….Tissue?” ~chucks kleenex box at his head.~

  2. Nice post. I be taught something tougher on completely different blogs everyday. It should always be stimulating to learn content material from different writers and follow a bit something from their store. I want to use some with the content material on my blog whether or not you don’t mind. Natually I provide you with a hyperlink in your web blog. Thanks for sharing.

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