Friday Funny- Two Fat Cows

Trivia; brought to you by Braingle.com and it will be about “The Hotel California” by The Eagles.  I’m not sure why, but it’s just a summer song for me, and in Oregon we don’t really get good summer weather until August, so it seems fitting. 🙂

1. Complete the lyrics: “On ________, cool wind in my hair, warm smell of colitas, rising up through the air.”

2. Complete the lyrics: “Up ahead in the distance, I saw a shimmering light. My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim, I had to ________.”

3. Complete the lyrics: “There she stood in the doorway; I heard the mission bell, and I was thinking to myself, ‘________.'”

4. Complete the lyrics: “Then she lit up a candle and she showed me ________.”

5. Complete the lyrics: “There were voices down the corridor, I thought I heard them say, ‘Welcome to the Hotel California. Such a lovely place. Such a lovely face. Plenty of room at the Hotel California. Any time of year you can ________.'”

6. Complete the lyrics: “Her mind is ________, she got the Mercedes-Benz. She got a lot of pretty, pretty boys she calls friends.”

7. Complete the lyrics: “How they dance in the courtyard, sweet summer sweat. Some dance to remember, some dance to ________.”

8. Complete the lyrics: “So I called up the Captain, ‘Please bring me my wine.’ He said, ‘________.'”

9. Complete the lyrics: “Welcome to the Hotel California. Such a lovely place. Such a lovely face. They’re living it up at the Hotel California. What a nice surprise. Bring ________.”

10. Complete the lyrics: “Mirrors on the ceiling, the pink champagne on ice, and she said ‘________.'”

11. Complete the lyrics: “And in the master’s chambers, they gathered for the feast. They ________, but they just can’t kill the beast.”

12. Complete the lyrics: “Last thing I remember, I was running for the door. I had to ________.”

13. Complete the lyrics: “‘Relax,’ said the night man, ‘We are programmed to receive. You can check-out any time you like but ________.'”

Answers at the bottom of the page.

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OK, I learned a lesson the other week when I posted that “40 faces of Harrison.”  It was originally an external link where you could hover your mouse over each face of Harrison Ford and it would tell you the Name/Character.  Well, that was 40 friggin’ faces and I had to retype all those damn names as part of my ‘quiz’ since I didn’t have an interactive page.

I’m not doing that this time.  Here is a creative Color Wheel Palette designed by a few awesome folks at Slate.com highlighting all the great characters and their distinctive colors that we’ve come to know and love.

Click the external link and hover your own ‘mouse’ over the icon for the answer.

Red Skull is Red, Smurfette is Blue

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Bouncing right onto News of the Weird from Chuck Shepherd.

Everyone’s Religion is Unique…

For years, many traditional funerals in Taiwan — especially in rural areas or among working classes — have included pop singers and bikinied dancers, supposedly to entertain the ghosts that will protect the deceased in the afterlife. According to a recent documentary by anthropologist Marc Moskowitz, some of the dancers until 20 years ago were strippers who did lap dances with funeral guests, until the government made such behavior illegal. Contemporary song-and-dance shows, like the traveling Electric Flower Car, supposedly appeal to “lower” gods who help cleanse the deceased of the more mundane vices such as gambling and prostitution (compared to the “higher” gods who focus on morality and righteousness). [Asian Age-ANI (New Delhi), 7-12-2011]

From California to Tennessee and back again…

340-ton boulder will be hauled to the Los Angeles County Museum of Art. (SHNS photo by Mark Zaleski / The Press-Enterprise)

California’s state and local governments are rarely discussed these days without the pall of budget cuts looming, but apparently the Los Angeles County Museum of Art is safe because it is spending a reported $1.5 million to move a big rock in from Riverside, about 60 miles away. It’s a 340-ton boulder that the museum intends to display above a sidewalk (“Levitated Mass”). The move will require a 200-foot-long trailer with 200 tires, with one semi-tractor pulling and one pushing, at night, maximum speed 8 mph. [KNBC-TV (Los Angeles, 6-15-2011]

Tennessee State Rep. Julia Hurley apologized in July and said she would pay for the refinishing of her desk in the legislative chamber after it was revealed that she had carved her initials in it during a January session. “It was like one in the morning on the last day of the session,” she told WSMV-TV. “I wasn’t thinking straight.” Rep. Hurley, 29, who has a daughter, 14, unseated a nine-term incumbent legislator in 2010 with a campaign that touted her time as a Hooters waitress. “If I could make it at Hooters,” she wrote in the restaurant’s magazine, “I could make it anywhere.” [Knoxville News-Sentinel-AP, 7-12-2011]

In June, the California Court of Appeals threw out the three counts of possession of child pornography for which Joseph Gerber had been convicted, even though what Gerber had done was paste face shots of his own 13-year-old daughter onto ordinary pornographic photos. The U.S. Supreme Court decided in 2002 that a conviction for making “child pornography” requires actual sexual abuse. (Gerber had also been convicted of supplying the daughter with drugs and the court ordered Gerber re-sentenced.) [San Francisco Chronicle, 6-9-2011]

Guess what?  Chicken’s butt…

Georges Marciano, co-founder of the clothing company Guess? Inc. and ostensibly in no trouble with IRS, nonetheless demanded in 2009 that the agency audit him over the previous several years. IRS turned him down, and he sued the agency in federal court in Washington, D.C., but in July, a judge rejected the case, declaring that federal law and the U.S. Constitution do not give anyone a “right” to demand that IRS collect more taxes from them. (Marciano perhaps hoped for IRS to uncover cheating by his former employees and accountants, whom he thought were stealing from him. Paying higher taxes might have been worth it if the agency had made it easier for him to sue any cheaters.) [The Blog of Legal Times, 7-5-2011; Los Angeles Times, 12-15-2009]

A different kind of basic training…

A Singaporean army draftee caused a public stir in March when he was photographed by a visitor as he underwent physical training in army fatigues but with his maid following behind him carrying his backpack on her shoulders. (Army officials told reporters the draftee had since been “counsel(ed).”) [BBC News, 4-5-2011]

That seems fishy…

In May, following near-record floods in fields south of Montreal, Quebec, farmer Martin Reid made sure to apply for his fishing license because he had learned the hard way that when his land gets flooded, he cannot remove the fish washed onto it unless he is a licensed fisherman. After flooding in 1993, Reid and his father failed to secure a license and were fined $1,000. A second offense brings a fine of $100,000. [London Free Press, 5-27-2011]

Crime at its best…

Arrested in Woodbridge, Va., in July for burglary after being discovered by police inside the MVC Late Night adult store: U.S. Army officer Justin Dale Little Jim, 28 (who was found physically engaged with a “blow-up doll”). Little Jim’s chances for acquittal are slim under News of the Weird’s insightful theory of criminal culpability known as the “Three First Names” hypothesis. [News & Messenger (Smyth County, Va.), 7-5-2011]

In June in the Houston suburb of Alvin, Texas, a petite, 42-year-old Walmart customer came across three men running out of the store carrying shoplifted beer. She decided that it was up to her to take a stand because, as she said later, she was “sick of the lawlessness.” The woman (whose name, coincidentally, is Monique Lawless) chased the men, climbed onto the hood of their getaway car, even jumping up and down on it, to delay their escape. The three were eventually arrested: Sylvester Andre Thompson and his brothers Sylvester Durlentren Thompson and Sylvester Primitivo Thompson. [ABC News, 6-23-2011]

Sylvester Thompson Brothers.

[Editor’s note: I found these mug-shots related to one of many articles on this story, though I couldn’t confirm which brother was which.]

Creepy lady…

The usual furtive restroom photographer is male, but sheriff’s deputies in Plantation, Fla., arrested Rhonda Hollander, 47, in July and charged her with several misdemeanors and a felony stemming from an episode in which she allegedly followed a man inside the men’s room at the West Regional Courthouse and snapped photos of him at a urinal. Hollander insisted she had violated no law, and indeed the charges against her were only for conduct after she was confronted by deputies (when she continued to take pictures as they led her away). Hollander is actually Judge Hollander, who works in the building as a traffic magistrate. [Orlando Sentinel, 7-5-2011]

Texas, please quit making it so easy for us to laugh at you…

Advances in DNA testing have improved society in several ways in the last two decades, especially in criminal justice, but in many states, one area remains a backwater, as News of the Weird has noted over the years: men’s obligation to pay support for children they did not father. Ray Thomas of Houston is the most recent frustrated complainant, with a court refusing to relieve him of the $52,000 in back child support he owes for a “daughter” that DNA has subsequently shown is not his. Ironically, in March the Texas legislature became one of the few to allow men like Thomas to present DNA evidence in order to end court-ordered support, but the state attorney general noted that the new law covers only prospective judicial orders. [KHOU-TV, 6-23-2011]

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Some of you may be familiar with Jeff Foxworthy’s earlier work on “You Might be a Redneck if…” prior to his Blue Collar Comedy tours.

One of those qualifications was “If directions to your house include, ‘turn off the paved road,’ you might be a Redneck.”

Directions to my child-hood home went as follows:

From Highway 47 turn right onto Old Highway 47, go 7/10ths of a mile to McLeod Rd (later became Saddleback Drive). If you pass the Dairy Farm you’ve gone too far.  Once on the gravel road it is a half-mile up the road, the road will turn a hard left called a switch-back. The driveway is marked with a sign, “Hidden Springs, the Corries.”

So, when I saw the latest post from TheOatmeal on Minor Differences 4 (click to read full list) I chortled mightily…

Hope you all have a Safe and Happy weekend.

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Trivia Answers:

1. A dark desert highway

2. Stop for the night

3. This could be Heaven or this could be Hell.

4. The way

5. Find it here

6. Tiffany-twisted

7. Forget

8. We haven’t had that spirit here since 1969.

9. Your alibis

10. We are all just prisoners here, of our own device.

11. Stab it with their steely knives

12. Find the passage back to the place I was before

13. You can never leave.

For the record, I got 9/13 correct.  Go ahead and click here to listen to “Hotel California”, it was the best version I could find; the live acoustic with the Spanish guitar.  You just have to like this song, if you don’t, you’re no friend of mine.

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2 responses to “Friday Funny- Two Fat Cows

  1. Oh, Hotel California and the Eagles….I can picture sitting on the top porch of a cabin out in the back of beyond in the mountains of Colorado. Little tape player (because it was that long ago) playing the Eagles – a bunch of us having a cookout (I started the fire with aspen and continued it on with pine logs) that I made – hamburgers stuffed with sharp cheddar cheese and chips and lots and lots and lots of beer. After dinner sitting on aforementioned deck singing with all the songs loudly and drunkenly. Good thing there weren’t any neighbors for miles! I’m pretty sure we horrified all the wildlife as well, which is good ’cause the bears were thick that summer. Ahhhh…the memories…..

    And the new website design – most awesome upgrade, ma’am! LOVE it!

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