Friday Funny- X-Factor

If you missed the big hullabaloo about the latest X-Factor show on FOX here is one You Tube link that may still be working (the posters are getting shut down for copy-right infringement):

Basically there was a guy FOX previews before he walks up in front of the audience and he lies to America about his credentials (big surprise) and in typical fashion the ‘producers’ allow this guy to go on stage. I guess the trick with X-Factor is, unlike American Idol taking place in random hotel conference centers, this show is ‘edgier’ because it’s filmed before a live studio audience of some 1,000 + people.

Women broke down into tears, and not in the “Praise Jesus, a gift from GOD!” sort of way, and parents ushered their children hurriedly to the exits.

Now, obviously different people have varying ideas about what constitutes entertainment, but I think the average by-standard has a realistic concept of what is NOT appealing about a man swinging free under his T-Shirt.

Oh, Oatmeal, you see into my heart.

Great for you, fella, (I refuse to give him further press by publishing his name) for wagging your junk for many, many critical eyes to view. That takes stones or a mental disorder, probably the latter. But, this begs the question– Where was the security for this guy dropping trow?  They should have been on him like white on rice.

Where was FOX Security's sense of duty?

Was this staged?  Ratings were already being threatened from what I quickly trolled.  The reactions of the audience certainly appear genuine and frankly I think FOX owes a lot of people refunded tickets plus one free visit to a family counselor or hypnotist to help those who need to recover.  I don’t give Paula Abdul, or Simon Cowell for that matter, that kind of acting chops.  Paula is seen watching the performance through her pony-tail wrapped around her face, but later becomes ill and actually goes off camera to vomit.

I hate puking, I wouldn’t do that for ratings, but maybe she would.

Next– What will the repercussions be?

Super Bowl Half-Time, Wardrobe Malfunction, Tittygate, frickin’ Justin “I didn’t know that was going to happen” Timberlake getting a free pass on culpability… ring any bells?

Justin is a double dipped douche bag.

People freaked, the FCC in turn freaked, Congressmen began freaking and attacking everything in their fervor for clean television viewing. Even lambasting fun British-humor based TV shows like Keen Eddie because it alluded to a prostitute getting sperm from an expensive Thoroughbred stud– you know, innocent stuff.

home-spun innocence I tell you!

Seriously, it was a breast with a pasty for crap’s sake.  I know this can be all over the board with whether women should breast-feed in public, America’s general prissiness about TV, objectifying women as objects and so forth. Breasts are a natural occurrence that come in a wide, glorious variety and serve many purposes; such as holding your sticker collection.

Got Purpose?

It’s only fair that the FCC go TIT for TAT on this (you knew that pun was coming right?) and hit FOX hard for letting some guy do the hippy-shake-shake with his ding-a-ling after the fiasco with the Superbowl.


Trivia Time from!  What’s in a Name?

1. A “cup of _____,” is another name for coffee.

2. “_____ horse,” is a type of muscle crap or spasm in the leg.

3. Name Walt Disney’s official mascot.

4. The personification of it being cold or icy outside is “_____ Frost.”

5. Frustration or annoyance can be expressed for this person’s sake.

6. Although the tower itself is often called “Big _____,” it actually refers to the bell inside.

7. A rotating tray (often on a dinner table) is called a “Lazy ______.”

8. A “________ club” is another name for a policeman’s baton.

9. Someone who needs proof before believing something is called a “Doubting ______.”

10. The common name for this yucca plant is “_____ tree”, which is also the name of a movie and a U2 album.

Answers at the bottom of the page.


News of the Weird from Chuck Shepherd’s column. By happy coincidence there are 3 different stories about breasts!  When it rains it pours, I guess.

Where did he go to buy this stuff?

Richard Handl, 31, was arrested in southern Sweden in July after a raid on his home. He had been trying for months to set up a nuclear reactor in his kitchen, but became alarmed when a brew of americium, tritium and beryllium created a nuclear meltdown on his stove. Only then, he said, did it occur to him to ask the country’s Radiation Authority if what he was doing was legal, and the subsequent police raid answered that question. No dangerous radiation level was detected, but Handl still faces fines and a maximum two-year prison sentence for unauthorized possession of nuclear materials. [MSNBC-AP, 8-3-2011; The Local (Stockholm), 8-2-2011]

Goo = Eww!

Among the trendiest avant-garde beauty treatments are facial applications made from snail mucus, according to a July report by London’s Daily Mail. South Korean glamour consultants were the first to use mollusk extract’s generous moisturizing properties, though a dermatologist warned (on NBC’s “Today” show) that no “controlled” studies have yet demonstrated snail-goo superiority. [Daily Mail, 7-29-2011]

Does anything good come from California besides ‘Happy Cows?’

The highest-paid state government employee in budget-strapped California in 2010 was among the least productive workers in the system, according to a Los Angeles Times investigation reported in July. Jeffrey Rohlfing is on the payroll as a surgeon in the state prison system (base pay: $235,740), but he has been barred from treating inmates for the last six years because supervisors believe him to be incompetent. Last year, Dr. Rohlfing earned an additional $541,000 in back pay after he successfully appealed his firing to the state’s apparently easily persuaded Personnel Board. Currently, Dr. Rohlfing is assigned records-keeping duties. [Los Angeles Times, 7-13-2011]

No, thanks– just let me die…

Colorado inmate Daniel Self filed a federal lawsuit in July against the Sterling Correctional Facility because prison personnel saved his life. They revived him after he had stopped breathing from an attack of sleep apnea, but he contends he had previously demanded to officials that he never be resuscitated, preferring to die rather serve out his life sentence. [Denver Post, 7-18-2011]

Terry Barth complained to hospital officials that he was “kidnapped” by paramedics and thus cannot be liable for the $40,000 he has been billed by Enloe Medical Center in Chico, Calif., where he was brought by ambulance following a motorcycle crash in August 2010. Barth said he had insisted at the scene that paramedics not take him to a hospital because he had no medical insurance. (Paramedics are legally required to take anyone with a serious head injury.) [KOVR-TV, 7-7-2011]

If we dipped her foot in blue paint could she be classified as a Blue-Footed Booby?

The first published instance of a woman’s nipple appearing on the sole of her foot was noted in a 2006 report in the journal Dermatology and reprised in a series of U.S. and British press reports in July 2011. The reporting physicians, led by Dr. Delio Marques Conde, acknowledged that out-of-place breast tissue, while extremely rare, has shown up before on the back, shoulder, face and thigh. The foot nipple was “well-formed,” with areola and sebaceous glands. [New York Daily News, 7-19-2011, citing Dermatology, vol. 12, no. 4]

I’m sure that’s the same excuse Gene Simmons used…

British college student Rhiannon Brooksbank-Jones, 19, recently had her tongue surgically lengthened just so she could better pronounce the Korean letter “L.” London’s Daily Mail reported in August that the student had become fascinated with Korean culture and intends to live and work in South Korea eventually — and would need to speak like a native to succeed. She is now satisfied that she does. [Daily Mail (London), 8-12-2011]


What took them so long to think of this? “Most wineries rely on the human nose [to detect out-of-place odors],” said the vintner of the Australian boutique wine Linnaea, “but that is time-consuming, costly, and nowhere as reliable as Belle.” Miss Louisa Belle is a 7-year-old bloodhound possessing, of course, a nose that is reportedly 2,000 times more sensitive than the human nose. Her primary job, the vintner told Melbourne’s Herald Sun in July, is to sniff out tainted corks during the bottling process. [Herald Sun (Melbourne), 7-3-2011]

Just a creepy bastard…

At a medical board hearing in Manchester, England, in August, anesthesia consultant Dr. Narendra Sharma was accused of placing the hand of a sedated female patient underneath the operating table so that he could fondle his own private parts using a “stranger’s” touch. Two medical workers claimed to have seen him, one of whom said she saw Sharma “exposed.” Sharma explained later that his pants had inadvertently fallen down during one procedure because a previous patient had kicked loose the tape holding them up. [Daily Mail (London), 8-12-2011]

Not thinking it through…

Police in Roseville, Mich., arrested a 24-year-old roofer in August and charged him with reckless driving after he hit four cars. He had noticed that his brakes had failed but unadvisedly tried to drive on, anyway, by extending his left leg out the driver’s side door and braking “manually” (yes, as in “The Flintstones”). According to police, the man was completely sober. [Detroit Free Press, 8-18-2011]

In Durango, Colo., Sean Ogden, 19, was seriously burned in July when he tried to break down fireworks he had purchased in order to build even bigger ones. He was mixing them in a coffee-bean grinder. [Denver Post-AP, 7-7-2011]

Poor girls followed by stupid, rich women…

Two hundred ethnic groups in Cameroon still practice painful “breast ironing,” affecting one-fourth of the puberty-age girls in the country, according to a July CNN dispatch. The situation has barely changed from when News of the Weird mentioned it in 2006. Mothers flatten their daughters’ breasts with a fire-hot pestle to make them less sexually desirable and thus more likely to stay in school and avoid early pregnancy. (In America, ironically, The New York Times reported two weeks later that spa-indulgent women are complaining about “creases” in their breasts — from sleep posture that creates unsightly “cleavage wrinkles” visible in low-neckline fashions. Several remedial products are available to help women keep their breasts separated, and thus smooth, at night.) [CNN, 7-27-2011] [New York Times, 8-9-2011]


What’s in a Name? Trivia answers:

1. “Cup of Joe.” The phrase, “cup of Joe”, goes back to the 1840s, but is often mistakenly attributed to Josephus Daniels. In 1914, he was appointed Secretary of the Navy. His General Order 99 banned alcohol on Navy ships, thus the strongest drink on board was coffee.

2. “Charley Horse.” Chiefly a North American term, a charley horse is a cramp or spasm in the leg muscles. It is also commonly called a “dead leg”. It may have been named for Charlie “Old Hoss” Radbourn, a baseball pitcher who suffered from cramps.

3. “Mickey Mouse.” Oswald the Lucky Rabbit was Walt Disney’s first original character; but it was Mickey Mouse, his second character, that achieved greater fame. Mickey Mouse’s first appearance was in “Plane Crazy” in 1928. A children’s program, “The Mickey Mouse Club”, premiered in 1955. The mouse ears have become a well-known symbol of Disney.

4. “Jack Frost.” Jack Frost is similar to Old Man Winter; both are a personification of cold winter weather. On some cold mornings, crystal frost patterns can form on windows; these are usually attributed to Jack Frost.

5. “Pete’s Sake!” is a euphemism of “for God’s sake” or “for Christ’s sake”. It is likely a reference to Saint Peter. Another euphemism for the same phrases is “for crying out loud”.

6. “Big Ben.” The largest bell, used to strike the hour, weighs more than 16 tonnes. There are two people who “Ben” may refer to. Benjamin Hall was a politician who oversaw the installation of the bell. “Big Ben” was the nickname of a heavyweight boxer, Benjamin Caunt.

7. A “Lazy Susan” can be used on a table to help in passing food around, or it can appear in a corner cabinet to assist in tight spaces that would otherwise be hard to reach. It is not known where the “Susan” part of the name originated, but in 1917, “Vanity Fair” advertised a “Revolving Server or Lazy Susan”.

8. “Billy Club.” A billy club is also called a truncheon or baton. It is more powerful than just using bare hands, but less lethal than a gun.

9. “Doubting Thomas.” This term has its origins in the Bible:

“Now Thomas (called Didymus), one of the Twelve, was not with the disciples when Jesus came. So the other disciples told him, ‘We have seen the LORD!’

But he said to them, ‘Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe it.'” (John 20:24-25)

10.“Joshua Tree.” The Joshua tree is native to California, Arizona, Utah, and Nevada. It was named by Mormon settlers because of the unique shape of the branches, which reminded them of hands reaching upward in prayer.

“The Joshua Tree” by U2 was released in 1987. The album artwork uses pictures of a Joshua tree.

On that note I’d like to add with this album it is a toss-up for me between “With or Without You” or “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For” as my favorite.

( . ) ( . )   Eyes or breasts?!  OK, sorry, I’m done, I promise.


3 responses to “Friday Funny- X-Factor

  1. I only watched a minute or two of the X Factor and decided I did not like it at all. It just wasn’t as fun and seemed almost mean spirited. Instead of people hearing they suck from a few people (granted it will be shown on TV) they get to hear they suck in front of 1000’s of people up close and personal. I don’t know, just my opinion. 😀

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