Friday Funny- Love Is In The Air

Well that was a good break, hopefully you all persevered without me doing FF-LOL’s for two weeks.  I’m sure you managed. 🙂

To start we have an interesting bit on Movie Posters, forwarded to me regarding Movie Poster clichés which you can click to see the full list.  Here are my favorites:

Big eye poster…

Big heads in the sky over tiny people on the beach poster…

Looking through a big pair of legs (all of which appear to be female) poster…

Back to back poster…

This is nice because it allows me to mention the article I read about Matthew McConaughey by Christina H. on Cracked.com with her 6 Reasons It’s Time For Matthew McConaughey To Go Away. She wrote that on June 19th 2010 and it’s only received 570,691 hits since then, so I guess there are not a lot of takers willing to read her proposition.  I did, and since he is kind of smarmy and I do feel cuckolded into liking lusting after him I’m willing to present the following on her behalf to you.

Under #5: He Literally Cannot Support Himself

As Cracked has pointed out before with FDR, not being able to stand upright is a pretty damning character flaw, and Matthew McConaughey has it in spades. Or at least his characters do.

I am far from the first person to observe that he seems to require structural support in every movie poster but it is a truth that needs to be told.

As you can see, by 2020, he will have to appear in movies flat on his back, leaving him with roles like the victim in a CPR instructional video. If he can get a rom-com role, it’ll probably be something like the guy in While You Were Sleeping, the one who was in a coma the entire movie to provide a plot device for Sandra Bullock to fall in love with Bill Pullman. Throw in a full-body cast and I’m sold.

In other news via Reuters, Science has made a break through in ponytail mathematics

LONDON (Reuters) – British scientists said on Friday that a “Rapunzel Number” may have helped them to crack a problem that has perplexed humanity since Leonardo da Vinci pondered it 500 years ago.

Scientists from the University of Cambridge and the University of Warwick said they had devised a “Ponytail Shape Equation,” which when calculated using the Rapunzel Number and a measure of the curliness of hair can be used to predict the shape of any ponytail.

Cambridge’s Professor Raymond Goldstein told Reuters that he and his colleagues took account of the stiffness of individual hairs, the effects of gravity and the average waviness of human hair to come up with their formula.

The Rapunzel Number provides a key ratio needed to calculate the effects of gravity on hair relative to its length.

Scientists said the work has implications for understanding the structure of materials made up of random fibers, such as wool and fur and will have resonance with the computer graphics and animation industry, where the representation of hair has been a challenging problem.

“Our findings extend some central paradigms in statistical physics and show how they can be used to solve a problem that has puzzled scientists and artists ever since Leonardo da Vinci remarked on the fluid-like streamlines of hair in his notebooks 500 years ago,” Goldstein said.

Science will never cease to amaze me in what it bothers to study...

Well, next week is Valentine’s Day on the 14th, and while I don’t celebrate it personally I’m more than happy to participate in the department pot-luck. FOOD GOOD!

Naturally I suspected there might be some weird news regarding Valentine’s Day antics, lets see what we can find from Chuck Shepherd’s News of the Weird.

Snifferific…

…for Valentine’s Day, farmer Bruce Andersland created a half-mile-wide, arrow-pierced heart from plowed manure at his farm near the town of Albert Lea, Minn. “Now I’ve got my valentine!” shouted wife Beth, when she first viewed the aerial image. [Albert Lea Tribune, 2-11-10]

I didn’t see that one cumming, Canada…

A Toronto restaurant, Mildred’s Temple Kitchen, announced that its Valentine’s Day promotion this year would not just be a romantic dinner but would also include an invitation for couples to have sex in the restrooms. Toronto Public Health officials appeared unconcerned, as long as there was no sex in food-preparation areas and as long as the restrooms were clean. “Bodily fluids” were not a concern, said one unruffled health official, because after all, that’s what restrooms are for. [Toronto Star, 2-3-10]

So much for roses…

Eccentric British rock musician Genesis P-Orridge (born Neil Megson) and his wife and partner, Lady Jaye Breyer, are gradually transforming themselves surgically into gender-neutral human beings (“pandrogynous”) resembling each other, so that eventually they will be indistinguishable, to demonstrate how overrated gender is as a point of reference. (For example, he wore a lace dress at their wedding, and she dressed as a biker guy, with moustache, and for Valentine’s Day 2003, each got breast implants.) P-Orridge told SF Weekly in October that their goal is to jointly become a third person, distinct from either of them. [SF Weekly, 10-27-04]

Don't be coy, you were going to GOOGLE them anyway.

This morning as I was getting ready Nicole on Charlie FM (97.1) gave a list of foods you can fix at home to be romantic and affordable for Valentine’s Day.

I found a similar list with further explanation of why these 10 foods would work as aphrodisiacs on Gayot.com, so here you go; save some coin and get some loin (abridged list)…

Almonds:

We are nuts about almonds! Although they don’t look particularly sexy (although almond-shaped eyes certainly do), they have been regarded as fertility symbols throughout antiquity. And we suppose, there’s something about these dry little nuts that recalls, well, testes. The aroma of almonds supposedly arouses passion in females — or so thought the poets and scribes of bygone eras. French writer Alexandre Dumas, the author of The Count of Monte Cristo, dined on almond soup every night before meeting his mistress. And Samson wooed Delilah with these tasty nuts, which lower cholesterol and provide abundant doses of vitamin E, magnesium and fiber to improve your general well-being. So you can keep going, and going, and going…

Asparagus:

Our love affair with this member of the Lily family dates back hundreds of years. Asparagus “stirs up lust in man and woman,” wrote English herbalist Nicholas Culpepper in the 17th century. In 19th-century France, bridegrooms were served three courses of the sexy spears at their prenuptial dinner. Apparently for a good reason: asparagus is a great source of potassium, fiber, vitamin B6, vitamins A and C, and thiamin and folic acid. The latter is said to boost histamine production necessary for the ability to reach orgasm in both sexes.

Avocado:

Avocados are va-va-voom! But despite their voluptuous and feminine shape (here’s a Rorschach question: without the pit, an avocado resembles a … ?), they have been associated with male sexuality. In fact, the Aztecs’ name for the avocado tree was Ahuacuatl, “testicle tree.” And indeed, we can agree with the ancients who thought the fruit hanging in pairs on the tree resembled a dude’s “crown jewels.” But not everyone was cool with the idea. The Spanish, in fact, found avocados so obscenely sexy, that Catholic priests prohibited their consumption. Be sure to load up on the nutrient-rich fruit (guacamole, anyone?). While the creamy, cancer-fighting goodness packs in the calories, it’s also high in folic acid, vitamin B6, potassium, omega-3 fatty acids and oleic acid, which fights “bad” cholesterol. Yes, the green-skinned delight is high in fat, but guys, you need fat for your body to make testosterone!

Bananas:

This shapely and nutritious fruit is a complete meal, loaded with potassium, magnesium and B vitamins. It also contains chelating minerals and the bromelain enzyme, said to enhance the male libido — maybe that’s why Central Americans drink the sap of the red banana as an aphrodisiac, while Hindus regard it as a symbol of fertility. A banana left on a doorstep indicates that a marriage is about to take place. Bananas made an early appearance in the Garden of Eden; according to Islamic myth, Adam and Eve covered themselves not with fig but banana leaves.

Dark Chocolate:

Why does eating chocolate make us so happy? It’s a chemical thing. The “food of the gods” contains theobromine, a stimulating alkaloid similar to caffeine. Chocolate also helps the brain produce feel-good serotonin. Be sure to indulge in the dark variety — it contains incredible amounts of antioxidants, whereas milk chocolate is just that: milk and sugar with trace amounts of cocoa.

Oysters:

These mouth-watering mollusks are the classic aphrodisiac. And, there’s research to support it: raw oysters are very high in zinc, which raises sperm and testosterone production, thus increasing libido. Like some fish, oysters contain omega-3 fatty acids, considered to increase one’s overall well-being and even fight depression. They are also a source of dopamine. No wonder Casanova ate 50 raw oysters every day.

What if that isn’t enough?  What if you need to stack the deck?

Don’t worry, Cracked.com LOVES to talk about sex, baby.  Here are some of my favorite tidbits from 5 Insignificant Things That Determine Who You Have Sex With.

Tilt of your head:

Researchers at the University of Newcastle discovered this tilt effect when they showed volunteers in their study several computer-generated faces, both male and female, looking straight ahead but at various pitches (chin up or chin down).

The results were pretty clear. If a woman has her head tilted back, she’s regarded as less feminine and less attractive; chin down, however, and suddenly she’s more feminine to volunteers, and also hotter.

But the same neck strain for men had the opposite effect: They looked less masculine with their head tilted forward and, as you might expect, were consistently rated as less attractive. “Chin up was the money for dudes,” Dr. Darren Burke, co-author of the study, never said, but could have if he wanted to.

How much you (don’t) smile:

It’s another case of what works for men doesn’t work at all for women. In a study specifically examining how emotional expressions influence attractiveness, participants looked at and rated photographs of members of the opposite sex expressing happiness, pride and shame.

Men, it turns out, were most attracted to the smiling woman up there, but found the upraised arms kind of a turnoff. Conversely, women liked the guy’s show of pride and were even more attracted when he was sad. But what was most objectionable to the women was the guy smiling: They found this pose the least attractive, meaning virtually every other pose, including the neutral one, was sexier to them.

Long ring finger determines facial attractiveness:

A study led by scientist Camille Ferdenzi of the University of Geneva confirmed that, above all other factors (including body odor drawn from the sweaty armpits of men of varying degrees of manliness), the length of the ring finger pretty much sealed the deal on how attractive a man’s face is to a woman.

Determining this relation between testosterone and the face involved a complex experiment of showing pictures of men to a bunch of women and having them give a rating for masculinity and attractiveness. Over and over, long-ring-finger guys were all rated as having the best faces.

What’s odd but consistent with what we told you in this article about women being attracted to feminine male faces was that a positive attraction rating wasn’t always paired with a masculine rating. This means that it’s possible that a man could have a longer ring finger, which means having more prenatal testosterone and thus a more attractive face, but not actually look more masculine. We’re calling this the Legolas Effect.

"My elf ears hear the swoonings of women and the exasperated sighs of their husbands."

 Whether you approach them or they approach you:

Don’t mix up what we’re saying here — it sounds stupidly obvious to say, “The one doing the approaching tends to be the one who finds the other more attractive.” Well, duh. That’s why they approached them. Right?

That’s not the point; the point is that if we put a gun to your head and made you approach a completely random guy or girl, the act of approaching will make you find that person more attractive.

According to experiments, anyway. The researchers set up a “speed dating” situation where pairs would be randomly matched. When women were the ones who remained seated, they were pickier about the men they found attractive. But when the positions were reversed, they became 2 percent more likely to say yes to a potential date. Men showed an even more drastic difference, with those approaching the seated women 7 percent less likely to say they were attracted to her.

Your level of facial scarring:

At least one study found that women actually rate men with “post-traumatic scarring” more attractive than men with no scars. Once again, we owe this to evolution. A man with facial scars is seen as a survivor of difficult fights, possibly with a saber tooth tiger. This in turn means his children would be more likely to survive if they ever had a run-in with some large, deadly animal.

Women’s interest in these men was purely short-term, though, indicating once again that women like manly men (read: the asshole who will start bar fights and end up with scars all over his stupid, manly face) for sexual flings, while they gravitate to more “feminine” men for long-term relationships and the care of their children.

Strangely, the study did not find a preference for or against women with facial scars, possibly indicating once again that men aren’t that picky. Who cares if she has been in a few knife fights, as long as there’s the chance she’ll still sleep with you?

Hmm, some how I turned this from movie posters to Valentine’s Day to sex….

Oh, well.  I’ll finish off by providing you some great comics from The Oatmeal as he has designed some ~great~ Valentine’s Day cards for you to give your loved ones.

I hope you all have a safe and happy weekend!

[Update: Cracked.com in their Photoplasty section had a Painfully Honest Valentine’s Day Card contest.  click to view]

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