Friday Funny- Tattle-Tail Telling Ways

Every see something on TV and you think to yourself, “Naw, that can’t be true…”

Well, this is short, sweet and simple.  Watching TV and I see the ‘very old’ rehashed commercial by Thompson’s Water Seal showing the decking be drenched because it’s at the base of Niagara Falls in Niagara, NY and how their product has been chosen to protect the decking. The commercial appears to be posted on YouTube by the Thompson’s company. They say this is the real deck at the base of the falls and it is listed right on the commercial that the decks are found at the Cave of the Winds.

Lets get visual…

youtube.com

Water is just POURING down on the rocks and splashing on the decks!

BING.Com maps Bird’s Eye View

Hmmm, maybe the decks are hidden under the snow?

No, in fact the decking is removed every fall and put back on every spring.  I’m sure it gets ‘resealed’ as the majority of the decking is staged in the mist zone and it is the ‘Hurricane’ deck that is right under the falls portion (note– this is not the part of the falls with the classic horse shoe shape).  Not sure if at the end of the day that still makes it the ‘ringing endorsement’ that Thompson’s would have us believe, it certainly skews the perspective a bit- eh?

Advertisements

Friday Funny- Kiss and Tell

My inspiration this week comes from the story of my co-worker catching a couple in our back parking lot appearing to have an illicit rendezvous.  He said they’ve mostly just been talking in times past, though that was annoying because ours is a private lot, this most recent sighting found they had progressed to making out.  This time he just walked really close to the car and stared at them and they just kind of stared back as if to say, “What?”

“Ha, ha, she snowballed me, that’s hilarious!”

Therefore I thought I would put together a collection of stories of couples caught in random, weird, or down right just inappropriate places doing dirty deeds dirt cheap…

Brits catch a couple with their curtains open in the office across the street

The article goes on to describe the encounter, how the person who witnessed and filmed the encounter didn’t want to be named had continued to film the action for 20 minutes.  But, that isn’t the part that is really hilarious to me, this is how the article was concluded:

In the video, the man’s suit can be seen hanging on the chair. At one point the man looks out the window but doesn’t seem to mind or perhaps notice, the watching audience. The woman is thought to be in her late 20s and has long dark hair. The man is thought to be in his early 30s, had balding light brown hair and was wearing a suit.

Friday saw temperatures soar to the mid-twenties as Britain entered a heat wave.

Really?  The article describes positions, clothes worn/tossed on a chair, and approximate ages and appearance of the couple, but ends with a statement about the weather.

Australian couple just went at it on a bench in Sydney, Australia

The cop is photographed walking up to the couple, but it has the appearance like he’s just saying, “No, no, it’s OK, when you’re done…”

A French couple is filmed in the lobby of the bank after hours ‘making a deposit.’

A man and woman in Charleston, South Carolina make the news for getting caught with their pants down in a museum with an interesting twist…

CHARLESTON, SC (WCSC/AP) – A man and a woman had a sexual romp in the Charleston Museum police say — and the man turned out to be a cocaine supplier in a famous case recently.

The incident report states that the man was completely naked and the woman was partially clothed, apparently unaware that her underwear was attached to the bottom of her shoe.

The man having sex, Michael L. Miller, 29, pleaded guilty three years ago to providing cocaine to former South Carolina Treasurer Thomas Ravenel, police say.

Busted for drugs?  On your way to the clink? Get that nooky in before you arrive for booking in the back of the police car– WITH THE COP DRIVING!

Sewage stations aren’t sexy, but an adulterous Zimbabwe couple decides to shake their groove thing in the grass

The 30-year-old woman identified as Christina Chigombe of House No. 3564 Unit J in Seke, was caught right in the act with Brian Phiri (30), who is a widower. Brian stays at House No.6021 Old Tafara and his children stay in rural areas.

Christina’s husband, Tapiwa Mapfunde, works at a farm in Mazowe and it seems this long distance was ‘killing’ Christina so much that she opted to get the ‘conjugal rights’ from the single and readily available Brian.

Acting on a tip-off, Hmetro in the company of the council’s security caught the cheating couple still in their love nest and Christina had to hurriedly wear her panties while Brian attempted to flee in his shorts. Christina said she sired three children with her husband and when asked why she was cheating on him, she said the long distance had extinguished the ‘fire’ that used to exist in their marriage. This was despite the fact that she had also earlier on revealed that her husband comes back home every weekend!

Meanwhile, Brian who claimed to be madly in love with Christina, said he had promised to give her US$20 for the UNPROTECTED SEX that they engaged in.

“He said if he uses a condom, he will give me US$5 and if we did it without a condom, he would give me US$20 and I opted for the second offer,” said Christina who however insisted that she was not into commercial sex work.

“I am a vendor trading in SUGAR and I do not sell sex. I am in love with Brian and I want him to marry me,” she added.

Slippery when wet– a Polish couple don their swim caps, but not their suits, for a naked romp at the top of a slide at a public water park.

Exhibitionists know no bounds as a couple is caught in the open view of public on a clock tower in Australia

The identity of a couple caught making love in a clock tower in central Sydney on Friday remains a mystery, but their intimate moment won’t be forgotten with passers-by capturing it on video and mobile phone cameras.

The couple was in full view of the busy street below, with people at a bus stop laughing and pointing at the twosome.

German traveler Dirk Gensler, who was staying at an adjacent backpacker hostel, was gobsmacked by what he saw when he peered out his window.

“I was amazed by it, it was the middle of the day and so many people could see it,” he said.

I just love that word, ‘gobsmacked’ don’t you?  You may have noticed I kept the photo count down with this subject matter, but clicking nearly any link above will give your eyes a full meal deal.  I went 3 or 4 pages deep in my GOOGLE search for the above references, and I dared not click anything advertising ‘video’ or linked to YouTube.  There is just some things you can’t unsee.

We’ve not had some trivia in a while, so why don’t we ‘shoot’ some creative questions out there

1) Which came first–  Sex toys or the Wheel?

2) Who is bigger– Human males, male chimpanzee’s or gorillas?

3) Leonardo da Vinci is credited with discovering that the male erection contains blood instead of this element…

4) True or False?  Rumor that Ozti’s (the prehistoric frozen iceman) scrotal sac contained viable sperm caused many women to make the request to be artificially inseminated.

5) For the reasonable price of $7-$9K you can buy what type of sex toy?

6) What type of sexual gratification is a woman more likely to enjoy if she has gone to college?

If you just love your trivia, regardless of the topic, I recommend you click the link above and learn more fascinating tidbits about definitions, stats, and other weird sexual oddities.  For example…

  • President Lyndon B. Johnson referred to his penis as “Jumbo.”
  • A 1999 golf tournament in Australia offered a penis enlargement to the player with the longest drive.

Now, lets pause for a Station Identification…

Welcome back, and here are the answers for this article’s trivia…

1) Upper Paleolithic art dating back 30,000 years depicts people using dildos to pleasure themselves and others. That means mankind invented sex toys long before the wheel.

2) Of all the primates, man has the largest penis. The gorilla has a two-inch penis, while the chimpanzee’s is three inches.

3) Leonardo da Vinci discovered that blood filled an erect penis—not air, as had been previously believed.

4) True– A rumor that Ozti’s (Ice Man’s) scrotal sac still had viable sperm—quick-frozen as in sperm banks—prompted a number of Austrian women in the 1990s to ask if they could be artificially inseminated and have his baby.

5) Roxxy is the world’s first sex robot. It costs between $7,000-9,000. She comes with artificial intelligence and five personalities, and weighs approximately 120 pounds. Customers can customize her features, including breast size, the color of her hair, and her race. A male robot, named Rocky, is also in the works.

6) Women who went to college are more likely to enjoy receiving and giving oral sex.

Have yourself a safe and happy weekend— and please, for the sake of the children, get a room and pull the curtains closed.  CHEERS!

Friday Funny- One Foot In The Grave…

… means your other foot should be off the gas pedal!!  A few months back one of my colleagues was involved in a fender bender with an elderly person.  And by ‘involved’ I mean they had the poop smacked out of their car because the lil’ ol’ Biddy behind the wheel was ‘sleepy’ while out driving early in the morning and dozed off behind the wheel and crashed into him.  Hard.  A witness had already been in the progress of calling the police because of how erratically she’d been driving when she crashed into my colleague.  Her reasoning– once a relative of hers showed up because she wouldn’t get out of the car or roll down her window for the police officers who arrived on scene–  She thought her dogs wanted to go for a drive.

Now, another colleague of mine got plowed into by an elderly driver…

courtesy of The Oregonian

Not what you were expecting, right?  Her and a friend were sitting in Taco Bell on the corner of SW Hall Blvd and SW Scholls Ferry in Beaverton, Oregon when an elderly woman trying to pull into the parking space rammed the building.  Fortunately they were not seriously hurt and though they sustained injuries they were not life threatening.

By the way, the driver wasn’t going there to buy food, she was just involved in a fender-bender moments before because she had stopped part way in an intersection when the light turned red, and backed up into the vehicle behind her. Instead of pulling off onto the side of the street they decided to pull into the nearby parking lot to exchange information and the car ‘some how hit the building.’  Police are being nice enough to investigate the vehicle for a mechanical malfunction, but I think we already know that she stomped the gas instead of the brake, and by the looks of the damage to the building she had to stomp hard.

I’ve been to this location and this is a very narrow  parking area, you can’t gain a lot of momentum by just driving in off the street.

Courtesy of GOOGLE Satellite

Now, people of a certain age might be taking offense to my whole cavalier attitude of ‘once you’re old you should stop driving’.  By no means do I think all elderly drivers should surrender their driver’s licenses.  The problem arises when those people who should surrender their license to drive don’t know when to quit.

This statement does NOT apply to 53 year-old Mark Martin, professional NASCAR driver who will probably be driving the pants of people half his age for many years to come… because he doesn’t know when to quit.

The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA) did an extensive review with the Transportation Research Board for addressing the safety issues of younger and older drivers was requested by the Committee on Appropriations of the U.S. Senate in Senate Report 102-148.  The report holds a conglomerate of data collected over the late 80’s and shows that while youthful drivers below the age of 24 were mostly likely to be involved in not just accidents, but fatal ones, the next highest category for problems was the elderly above age 65.  They go into great detail where you can read more in the different ways the broke the statistics a part for comparison purposes such as; number of licensed drivers, total miles of travel by age group, number of driver fatalities by age group, and fatality rate per 100 million vehicle miles traveled by age group just to name a few.

They also addressed various causes of the accidents:

Excessive speed is the primary error in 15 percent of younger-driver crashes, but only in about 5 percent of older-driver crashes, as shown in Figure 16. Right-of-way violations are the primary error in 18 percent of older-driver crashes, but only in about 9 percent of younger-driver crashes. Older drivers also make more errors at signed or signalized intersections than do younger drivers: 14 percent and 9 percent respectively. Driver inattention, which includes falling asleep at the wheel, was about equally likely among younger and older drivers, accounting for slightly more than 5 percent of crashes in each group.

The general flow of the article basically concludes that MOST elderly drivers are aware of their changes in reaction time as well as physical limitation such as being able to see in low-light or dark conditions and adjust their driving schedules accordingly.  I wonder how many though make that adaptation after having an accident or near miss?

Biased for the older generation aside for all those times you passed that elderly person who was holding up traffic, it’s really the younger crowd that you have to watch out for.  I shall now assault you with some lovely infographics…

Interesting to note that they compare talking on a cell phone to reducing your reaction time to that of a 70 year-old. (click to enlarge image)

This next infographic is specific to Washington State and has data as recent as 2009 and highlights the problems of youthful drivers.

If you had to find the silver lining it’s that most youthful drivers tend to kill themselves and not other innocent people. This could be in part that many States restrict the # of passengers allowed in a vehicle for a driver under the age of 18. (click to enlarge)

OK, lets move on to some more ‘fun’  and completely different information

This headlines speaks for itself on why I’d include it in my column. Click the link to read the full story, Oracle CEO Larry Ellison buys Hawaiian island of Lanai.

Planning a trip this summer?  See if you can include one of these 10 new amusement park rides.

Now from Chuck Shepherd’s News of the Weird

Lost in Translation…

Collections of comically poor translations are legend, but the Beijing municipal government, in sympathy with English-speaking restaurant-goers, published a helpful guidebook recently of what the restaurateurs were trying, though inartfully, to say. In an April interview with the authors, NBC News learned the contents of “Hand Shredded A$$ Meat” (sic) (merely donkey meat) and other baffling English descriptions (all taken from actual menus), such as “Cowboy Leg,” “Red-Burned Lion Head,” “Blow-up Flatfish With No Result,” and the very unhelpful “Tofu Made by Woman With Freckles” and “Strange Flavor Noodles.” [MSNBC, 4-20-2012] (click here for the full story on MSNBC)

Mustaches to be envious of

Competitive facial-hair-growers are revered in some countries, with Pakistan and India featured in recent reports. Pakistani Amir Muhammad Afridi, 42, whose handlebar lip hair extends in an arc almost to the top of his head, told reporters he had to move from his rural home to the more secular Peshawar because of threats that his pride and joy was un-Islamic. And the Guinness Book record- holder, Ram Singh Chauhan, 54, of India, offered grooming tips in an interview with BBC News, revealing that he keeps his 14-foot-long moustache conditioned by cleaning and combing it for an hour each day (treated with coconut-based hair oil) and lamented that he must wind it around his neck to keep it from interfering with his daily activities. [Daily Telegraph (London), 4-9-2012] [BBC News, 5-17-2012]

After that article I couldn’t resist posting this lovely collection. (click to enlarge)

Drunk Tubbers

Japan’s Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare announced in April that it would begin a national inquiry over the alarming number of bathtub deaths in 2011 — nearly three times the number of those killed in traffic accidents. News reports pointed out that many Japanese workers relax in tubs at the end of the day, even when they have overimbibed and are vulnerable to drowning. [Daily Telegraph (London), 4-30-2012]

Huh, you don’t say

Ms. Stormy Moody was arrested and charged with aggravated burglary in Henderson County, Tenn., in May after her next-door neighbor returned from a trip and discovered that quite a few items (from the petty to the more expensive) were missing from the home. For some reason, Moody felt secure enough to be wearing some of the clothing as she chatted sympathetically with the victim about the missing items. [WBBJ-TV (Jackson, Tenn.), 5-23-2012]

Most public officials caught “sexting” immediately turn remorseful, but not Michigan appeals court judge Wade McCree III. In April, when the husband of a female bailiff in McCree’s court saw that the judge had sent the bailiff a shirtless photo of himself, McCree told a curious reporter for Detroit’s WJBK-TV, “Hot dog, yep, that’s me.” “I’ve got no shame in my game.” “I’m in no more clothes than I’ll be at the Y this afternoon when I swim my mile.” The still-irate husband said he would pursue a judicial commission complaint against McCree. [Fox News, 4-24-2012]

Meh, people get shot in movies all the time, how bad can it hurt?

In Stockholm, N.Y., in May, a 24-year-old man became the most recent to have a friend shoot him just because the man wanted to know what it felt like to get shot. The friend, Shawn Mossow, 25, relented, finally, and fired a .22-caliber rifle shot into the man’s leg, but the man is expected to make a full recovery. [Associated Press via WSYR-TV (Syracuse), 5-15-2012]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I’ll go ahead and bring this weeks article to a close. Thank you all for joining and stay safe out there on the roads!

Can you name what movie this screen shot is from? (Click here to watch the clip and get your answer)