Friday Funny- Stuck on You

I posted this to my FB wall back on 7/20, but(t) it’s a pretty good personal story and I have been too busy at work to make a full compilation of FF-LOL material.  I hope you still enjoy this tale.

First note: In the last few months I’ve noticed that building-services management has decided to save money in our facilities by downgrading to a cheaper sanitary paper cover for the toilets. It appears to be a flimsier perhaps recycle paper based material, instead of the slightly thicker/sturdier Kimberly-Clark product (yes, I read the labels when I’m in the stall).

Now, I pull out my paper cover set it all dainty-like on the toilet seat and assume the position.
It’s been a rough day, so I take the time to check my FB page on my phone. And after doing my ‘thing’ go to get up, only the little sheet is ‘stuck’ to me.
I believe this happens to most people at some point in their life of public toilet seat usage, so I’m sure you all know the drill; you reach around, give a little tug, and the ring falls into the toilet.Only this time I go to pull it off and it’s adhered to my skin and only a little piece about the 1″ x 1″ peels off.
I go to tug on another edge and get basically the same result. The slow dawning realization and horror that I have paper toilet ring melded to my ass cheeks and the back of my upper thighs takes shape in my brain.So, with my pants and underwear around my knees I proceed to use my nails and fingers and shred, scrape, and vigorously rub the paper off my skin like I’m shedding a bad sun burn. Little flecks are landing in and on the toilet like snake-skin. I’m starting to wonder if any of the other women who are coming and leaving around me can hear my, “Scritch, scritch, scritch” as I peel and pull little tuffs off.

Keep in mind I can’t SEE what I’m doing– I’m about 5 months pregnant at the time! It’s not like I can waddle out of the stall to go look at my bare self in the mirror to see what is left or even get a damp paper towel to try to aid in the scrub down. I try doing contortionists swivels at the hips while trying to grab a butt-cheek or thigh and see if any paper is left, but mostly I just have to keep fondling myself to see if I can feel any more paper texture back there.Finally, after almost 20 minutes I deem that I’m paper free, only now the toilet is covered in flecks of paper.
Like a dog burying a bone I sweep all the little bits with my fingers into the bowl with this happy conclusion I get to flush away my frustrations.

Friday Funny- Tattle-Tail Telling Ways

Every see something on TV and you think to yourself, “Naw, that can’t be true…”

Well, this is short, sweet and simple.  Watching TV and I see the ‘very old’ rehashed commercial by Thompson’s Water Seal showing the decking be drenched because it’s at the base of Niagara Falls in Niagara, NY and how their product has been chosen to protect the decking. The commercial appears to be posted on YouTube by the Thompson’s company. They say this is the real deck at the base of the falls and it is listed right on the commercial that the decks are found at the Cave of the Winds.

Lets get visual…

Water is just POURING down on the rocks and splashing on the decks!

BING.Com maps Bird’s Eye View

Hmmm, maybe the decks are hidden under the snow?

No, in fact the decking is removed every fall and put back on every spring.  I’m sure it gets ‘resealed’ as the majority of the decking is staged in the mist zone and it is the ‘Hurricane’ deck that is right under the falls portion (note– this is not the part of the falls with the classic horse shoe shape).  Not sure if at the end of the day that still makes it the ‘ringing endorsement’ that Thompson’s would have us believe, it certainly skews the perspective a bit- eh?

Someecards Creations… with a pinch of plagiarism

This gallery contains 8 photos.

I’ve been having a good time reading through those created ‘‘ cards that usually have a sarcastic comment synched with an old-timey photo.  I decided to create my own after having a miserable day at work on Monday. Then, because I was having fun with it I created a few more cards; I dedicate the […]

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