Friday Funny- Stuck on You

I posted this to my FB wall back on 7/20, but(t) it’s a pretty good personal story and I have been too busy at work to make a full compilation of FF-LOL material.  I hope you still enjoy this tale.

First note: In the last few months I’ve noticed that building-services management has decided to save money in our facilities by downgrading to a cheaper sanitary paper cover for the toilets. It appears to be a flimsier perhaps recycle paper based material, instead of the slightly thicker/sturdier Kimberly-Clark product (yes, I read the labels when I’m in the stall).

Now, I pull out my paper cover set it all dainty-like on the toilet seat and assume the position.
It’s been a rough day, so I take the time to check my FB page on my phone. And after doing my ‘thing’ go to get up, only the little sheet is ‘stuck’ to me.
I believe this happens to most people at some point in their life of public toilet seat usage, so I’m sure you all know the drill; you reach around, give a little tug, and the ring falls into the toilet.Only this time I go to pull it off and it’s adhered to my skin and only a little piece about the 1″ x 1″ peels off.
WTH!!??
I go to tug on another edge and get basically the same result. The slow dawning realization and horror that I have paper toilet ring melded to my ass cheeks and the back of my upper thighs takes shape in my brain.So, with my pants and underwear around my knees I proceed to use my nails and fingers and shred, scrape, and vigorously rub the paper off my skin like I’m shedding a bad sun burn. Little flecks are landing in and on the toilet like snake-skin. I’m starting to wonder if any of the other women who are coming and leaving around me can hear my, “Scritch, scritch, scritch” as I peel and pull little tuffs off.

Keep in mind I can’t SEE what I’m doing– I’m about 5 months pregnant at the time! It’s not like I can waddle out of the stall to go look at my bare self in the mirror to see what is left or even get a damp paper towel to try to aid in the scrub down. I try doing contortionists swivels at the hips while trying to grab a butt-cheek or thigh and see if any paper is left, but mostly I just have to keep fondling myself to see if I can feel any more paper texture back there.Finally, after almost 20 minutes I deem that I’m paper free, only now the toilet is covered in flecks of paper.
Like a dog burying a bone I sweep all the little bits with my fingers into the bowl with this happy conclusion I get to flush away my frustrations.
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